Realizations

1. I read Homi Bhabha for the first time three years ago. I was then doing my Postgrad diploma and before that, had never heard about hybridity and the Third Space and mimic men and whatsoever theories that Bhabha is famous for. I found him almost impossible to deal with. It took me more than a week to read his essay on hybridity. It was horrifying. But now, I'm re-reading him for my thesis and I noticed that although I do find him baffling, he doesn't seem all that impossible anymore. I surely hope that this is a sign of my intellectual maturity that should come after 2 years of PhD.

2. I have an anger and frustration issue. I get angry and frustrated so very easily when things don't go my way. And that is a long list - when the Internet is slow, when I find people annoying, when I find people close-minded, when I call someone and the call doesn't get through or the person doesn't pick up. Sometimes because of very trivial things. I'm scared of myself when I'm like that. Like I'm being totally STUPID and MEAN and a total B****. I guess I can be very cold-hearted. I need to purify myself. Seriously, this is the illness of the heart.

3. I may love Melbourne and perhaps won't even mind staying and working here, but I realized that this place can never be home. Not when I'm alone like this.

4. A lot of people want what I have. I should complain less and be thankful more.

5. When I don't stress out too much about my weight and just lead a healthy lifestyle, I feel so much better about myself and my body. I also don't fret too much about going to the gym. I just go because that's what I do everyday. I still want to shed these few last kilos but I just don't want to stress too much about it. Just eat right and exercise much. I may never look like Mirinda Kerr, but I can look like a better version of myself. That's more than enough, InshaAllah.